


What's A Little Kiss Between Homies? Don't Gotta Be A Thing.

by pandragonman



Category: Homestuck
Genre: First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Meteorstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-15 06:35:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15407142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandragonman/pseuds/pandragonman
Summary: > Be Karkat.You're stunned, and confused, and disappointed, and upset, and a bunch of other emotions you can't place.  This guy, this coolkid, your best friend who doesn't have time for emotions and romance and 'isn't gay'.  This  amazing, wonderful, frustrating boy just kissed you while crying and ran off.





	What's A Little Kiss Between Homies? Don't Gotta Be A Thing.

You're hanging out with him again, not like you had much choice of course, since everyone else on this dumb meteor paired up and fucked off into whatever mutual ether they spend their time in.  He's got you watching his romcom collection again, and you'd never admit it to him, but they aren't as bad as you would have expected. They do make you kinda sleepy tho, and you'd avoid it if you could but his lap just makes the perfect pillow.  You aren't even looking at the screen anymore, but karkat hasn't noticed yet. Man, how would he feel if he knew you were staring up at him like this? You're already pushing it by laying on him like this, you'd never hear the end of it if he caught you doing this.  He'd probably go on some long winded rant about how he appreciates the affection but any interspecies relationships had best be avoided. You normally love his rants, but that one isn't one you'd wanna hear right now. Don't need to feel guiltier than you already do.  He just looks _so_ beautiful, it's not fair.

 

"DAVE ARE YOU EVEN PAYING ATTENTION?"  Fuck. "uhh yeah dude totally. um becky just kissed greg right and they made up or something?"  "I KNEW IT, YOU AREN'T WATCHING AT ALL!" He looks so cute when he's yelling at you. His lips moving at 90 miles an hour.  You wonder how they'd feel against yours. You wonder if you could just... just reach up there and... "WHAT ARE YOU DOING DAVE?"  You use his head to pull yourself up to him. This is wrong, you _really_ shouldn't be doing this.  "DAVE?" Oh he thinks this is weird, you should really stop before he hates you.  You try your best to listen to that voice in your head. You fail miserably. "DAVE ARE YOU CRYING?"  You pull his head in closer and you do it. You're screaming internally as you do this, this messed up thing you're doing.

Kissing your best friend and ruining your friendship.  You're awful. You're awful and you suck and you hate that you're doing this.  Your face just gets redder and redder and you're crying harder and harder as you continue.  You pull Karkat in tighter and tighter to drown out the guilt. Eventually he gets over whatever shock he was in that kept him from pushing you away like any rational person and he pushes you off him.  He gasps for air after he's out of your grasp. Nice going dumbass. You don't wait around for whats coming, you run out of the room, you're too terrified of his reaction and hate yourself too much right now to stick around.  You don't even hear him call as you leave "DAVE WAIT! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

 

> Be Karkat.

 

You're stunned, and confused, and disappointed, and upset, and a bunch of other emotions you can't place.  This guy, this coolkid, your best friend who doesn't have time for emotions and romance and 'isn't gay'. This  amazing, wonderful, _frustrating_ boy just kissed you while crying and ran off.  What could this mean? Is he making fun of you? Is this some giant game of irony punishing you for liking him?  Would he even do that to you? Would he actually fuck with you this bad over that? Is he just actually an insufferable prick?  But then why was he crying? You suppose he could have just been reacting to how awful you are at kissing, that doesn't sound too far off as a conclusion, honestly, you couldn't blame him for a reaction like that.

But him trying to hurt you like this doesn't sound like him, at least you'd hope its not like him.  You'd love to believe he has genuine interest in you, but that doesn't make any sense. You think about going to ask him what's going on, but he really seems like he needs to be alone right now, and its possible after what just happened that he doesn't ever want to see you again.  You wish you knew him better, but it looks like you'll have to ask the only other human on this meteor what the fuck just happened. You resign yourself to talking to rose.

 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG]  began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]  at ??:?? --

 

CG: ROSE.

CG: I THINK I MADE DAVE MAD AT ME.

CG: I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

CG: WE KISSED AND HE WAS CRYING AND HE RAN AWAY.

CG: PLEASE HELP.

TT: Well…

TT: I am surprised he worked up the courage to kiss you, but I'm not sure what to do to help you.

TT: It sounds like Dave was in a lot of pain when you kissed.

TT: Did he say anything to you before he ran off?

CG: NO.

CG: I'M WORRIED ROSE.

CG: HE DIDN'T APPEAR TO BE IN PHYSICAL PAIN THOUGH.

TT: Well I don't suspect his pain was physical.

TT: He has... issues... expressing his interest in men.

TT: Issues that I won't go into detail on out of respect for my brother/client's privacy.

TT: But I suspect they stem from physical and emotional abuse along with our former society's attitude towards people like us.

CG: WAIT

CG: ARE YOU TELLING ME

CG: THAT NOT ONLY DO HUMANS HAVE A WORD FOR ONLY LIKING ONE GENDER

CG: BUT THAT THEY PUNISH PEOPLE FOR LIKING THE SAME ONE?

CG: WHAT THE FUCK ROSE? ALTERNIA MAY HAVE BEEN SHIT BUT AT LEAST WE COULD LIKE WHO WE LIKED.

CG: THAT'S... ROSE THAT'S ACTUALLY FUCKING WITH ME.

CG: AND THAT'S NOT EVEN INCLUDING THE ABUSE THING.  THAT'S PRETTY FUCKED TOO.

TT: You don't need to tell me about how our society was bullshit, I'm well aware of it myself.

TT: And the abuse is just speculation on my part from what he has been willing to tell me and what he has implied.

CG: WHAT SHOULD I DO ROSE?

TT: Honestly?

TT: Talk to him.  He needs someone right now and it looks like you might be the person he needs comfort from the most right now.

TT: Reassure him that everything is fine.

TT: Make him listen, if you have to.

CG: THANKS, ROSE.

 

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT]  ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]  at ??:?? --

 

It takes you awhile to find him, the halls of the meteor blend together far too often, but soon enough you reach can town and you know his room is nearby.  You knock and don't get an answer. You open the door and get hit in the face with a flying pillow. "go away." Shit, he's still crying. "(DAVE? I'M NOT LEAVING YOU ALONE, WE NEED TO TALK.)"  You take a few more steps into the room, only to get hit with another pillow. "what's there to talk about dude, i'm a fuckup. i'm a gross disgusting fuckup who crossed a line and i blew it. you don't have to pretend to like me or wanna be around me anymore."  It hurts to hear him talk about himself like this. It hurts a lot. "(DAVE. YOU AREN'T A FUCKUP. YOU'RE NOT GROSS OR DISGUSTING EITHER. YOU DIDN'T CROSS ANY LINES.)" "bullshit. i- there's a fucking huge-ass line between liking you and _liking_ you, and i crossed it big time.  i don't deserve your time and i don't deserve your friendship and especially not after that stunt i pulled."  That makes you mad, mad that he thinks you're better than him, mad that he still clings to this bullshit concept of good and bad sexuality, mad that he thinks he isn't deserving of you.  "SHUT THE FUCK UP DAVE. YOU TAKE THAT FUCKING SHITASS SELF-PITY WOE IS ME I DONT DESERVE FRIENDS BULLSHIT AND SHOVE IT. I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS PATHETIC HUMAN IDEA THAT LIKING GUYS IS SOMETHING TO FUCKING BE ASHAMED OF AND I WON'T LISTEN TO ANOTHER FUCKING SECOND OF YOU REGURGITATING IT ONTO MY SPONGE CLOTS AND EXPECTING ME TO GIDDILY ASK FOR MORE.  IT'S THE SHITTIEST FUCKING DUMBASS BULLSHIT I'VE EVER HEARD AND I'VE TOLERATED IT UP TILL NOW BUT ITS ACTIVELY FUCKING HURTING YOU. AND SEEING YOU HURT IS HURTING ME. I WANT YOU DAVE. I WANT YOU SO MUCH THAT IT HURTS AND YOU KISSING ME MADE ME REALIZE THAT. I HAVE THE FUCKING GLOBES TO ADMIT THAT I'M SELFISH ENOUGH TO WANT YOU TO BE AROUND ME ALL THE TIME.  I WANT YOUR ARMS AROUND ME AND I WANT YOUR LIPS ON MINE AND I WANT YOU TO SHARE MY RECUPERACOON. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING ALL THE TIME AND FUCK YOU FOR EVER THINKING I'D HATE YOU. FUCK YOUR SHAME AND FUCK THE PEOPLE WHO MADE YOU LIKE THIS. I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT THEY DID TO YOU. I UNAPOLOGETICALLY WANT YOU IN ALL YOUR WORTH." You're screaming at him. You're crying harder than him when he kissed you and you're screaming at him.  You're lightheaded and your bellowsacks hurt, and your bloodpusher hurts and _you_ hurt.  You fall onto the bed and cry into the sheets.  Dave is silent. He reaches over and pulls you into a hug, and you're both crying into one another.

After a while dave speaks up with a hoarse voice.  "(karkat?)" You nod into his shoulder. "(i love you)"

 

  



End file.
